SURVIVING TANTRUMS
Ahh the tantrum. It’s interesting, isn’t it. It can be triggered by getting the blue plate one day but then by not getting the blue plate the next day. It can be triggered when you zip their jacket on the day they want independence but by you not helping them with the jacket on the day they decide they need you to do it. And the best part is, there are never any clues about what kind of day it is today.
First of all, I just want to reassure you that having uncontrolled emotions is a very VERY normal part of developing little brains. Life is overwhelming sometimes. And their life at that moment is centered on the perfect plate color. Eventually, their brains will develop enough to realize that these colors don’t matter too much and that there are better ways to deal with things they don’t like.
I want to share some ideas on how to navigate through a tantrum as it happens.

1. stay above the emotion
Don’t let them suck you in. You will feel the urge to point out how illogical this is. It will be hard to remain patient. But this emotion is not yours. Your child is experiencing something really hard (don’t judge what’s hard and what’s not) and needs you to remain calm and in control.
2. be their logical mind
Talk them through the experience. Say things like, “Oh, you want the pink plate cuz that’s your favorite colour? Pink IS very nice. This is a hard situation. The problem is that the pink plate has a yucky on it and it’s working hard on getting cleaned right not. It’ll probably be ready by your next meal. Which plate do you want to try right now, the purple or the green?” or say something like, “I see you’re starting to get really upset about this. Try to stay calm and use your words to let me know how we can work this out.”

3. don’t feel bad if they decide that they will have the tantrum anyway
Again, you are not the cause of the tantrum nor should you be getting sucked into having one. Children sometimes react this way. As long as the child is safe, it’s fine to let them feel their own emotions. It’s ok if they cry. You can give them space and very calmly say, “I’m very sorry you’re upset about this. Let me know when you’re calm enough to talk about what we can do instead.” You can even suggest for them to sit on your lap as they cry. Say, “it’s ok to be sad. I’m here sweetheart. You’re safe. We’ll think of something.” It may sound dramatic, but it’s real and comforting to them.
4. don’t give in to doing something you said you wouldn’t do
Regardless of how upset the child gets, it is more important for you to stick to your word than it is for the child to stop crying. The most beneficial thing a young child can feel is that you have things under control and what you say actually happens. If you say that the pink plate is unavailable and then react to the tantrum by stopping the dishwasher and making it available, the next time they want a dirty plate they will feel very upset again – not because that’s what they’re trained to do but because they really ARE upset they don’t get the plate they want. They see the dishwasher being stopped as a valid solution to the problem. But if you stick to your word and the pink plate doesn’t come out, the next time this happens, the tantrum will be shorter because they will know that getting a purple plate was fine last time and mama doesn’t bring dirty dishes out of the dishwasher.

Mamas, keep in mind that tantrums will always happen and we all have days when our patience is running low. Give yourself grace and give your children grace. And keep in mind, this tantrum too shall pass.
If you like this post or find it helpful, please share it. Also, I’d love to read your comments below on what works best for you in dealing with your children’s tantrums.
I completely agree with what you are saying. I always found my kids’ tantrums were a lot harder to get through when in a public place like the grocery store only because of the stares people give and those looks as though their child never would have a tantrum. In reality, all kids tantrum sometimes. It is part of growing!
Oh yes. Totally. Quite honestly, I’ve learned to block out those people staring. I’ve tried to arm myself with the attitude that I’m handling things and they shouldn’t be able to influence what I’m doing right now. It’s super hard though and I’m still learning.
Haha post on point.. they just tantrum anyway! ?
Great tips and recommendations! It’s so hard to not blow your own fuse when the tantrum starts just as you’re about to leave the house, or after a long day (bedtime is the worst!). Our son had a hard time during age 2 and the early part of age 3, but he’s starting to learn techniques to calm down. We use the “Just breathe” comment on him and most of the time, he will take several deep breaths. I then ask him if it’s my turn to have a tantrum, and he immediately tells me no. It breaks his chain of thought that started the tantrum in the first place. After all, it looks very silly if Mommy is having a screaming fit with tears and all. Right? 🙂
Great ideas! It really is just that: a chain of thought that takes them on a downhill. It’s an awesome idea to stay outside it and get him to think of it when he takes a step back. Also great to get him smiling about it – Bonus!
Tantrums are so hard! It takes a lot of practice to remember that they need us to be their voice or reason sometimes and teach them how to deal with tantrums.
Tantrums are the worst! Thank you for all of these tips, I know I definitely need them.
My oldest has been giving more and more tantrums, it’s driving me nuts! These are great tips, I’ll have to try them out
It’s SO hard when you haven’t slept because of a baby’s 4month sleep regression to stay sane to not get sucked into the emotional vortex… Ah! But you’re so right!
Totally agree that it can be super hard! It’s like life finds your weakness and just drills you lol. This too shall pass 🙂
Tantrums are so physically and mentally exhausting! I think the biggest takeaways are to not beat yourself if they happen- it’s a normal phase children go through. Also to stay consistent and not give in.
Totally agree! It took me years to learn this lol
We’re just now entering the tantrum phase and it is tough to keep my cool as a parent! These are great tips though and I will certainly put them into practice. I want to teach my little guy the right ways to react to situations!
Number 1 is so hard for me. But, so important!
Yep! One of my biggest challenges in parenthood generally actually. I practice and try to give myself grace when I lost it.
These are all so important, I find it sometimes hard to remain calm especially during the days where I have to deal with so many tantrums but I try my best to do so! Also accepting the fact that they will throw the tantrum anyway has taught me to be more accepting with their emotions and more understanding!
Totally agree. Thanks for sharing Stephanie.
I so agree with you…especially about having idle threats. I am not one to judge, but I totally see where empty threats really can be a huge detriment to maintaining your child’s emotions. My biggest challenge is staying above the emotion when you’re tired or sleepless. This is really a great reminder.
Yes Mica. Exactly.
Quite honestly, I catch myself giving idle threats sometimes still. Or I catch myself giving a threat and then thinking I hope they do what they’re told cuz I really don’t want to follow through on that. I guess it’s a learning thing for us too.