the thing moms need most
Mamas don’t ask for much. And what we do ask for, we don’t often get. Coveted things like sleep and hygiene and alone time are now viewed as luxuries to be savoured. The best part is that people often remind us that we would be much better moms if we took time to ourselves and relaxed more. Well hmmm, we never really thought of that…
I get it. Life’s tough. I have four kids ages five and under. I feel you mama. If anyone is pleading guilty for feeling completely unable to take breaks, it’s me. Right or wrong, I really don’t think it’s possible for me at this season of my life. But as I’ve been hanging out with other moms more frequently, something struck me. There’s an essential need we have as moms that we are often not responding to at all. And the crazy thing is that, if this need is met, we function so much better and, let’s face it, life is better for everyone when we function better. I’m not talking about our need for help with the dishes or more beautiful home decor – though those things would be fantastic. What I’m talking about is our need for time spent with other mamas.

Of course there are tons of other helpful and necessary things that are needed in order to do well and stay healthy. But it turns out that without spending time with other moms, we are more likely to feel isolated, overwhelmed, incapable. Now, I’m not talking about that mama that is constantly telling you about how you can improve your parenting approach or the one that says that her kid always uses his manners – it’s what he’s taught at home. I’m talking about the mommies that have spit up on their shirts in the same spot you do. The mommies that are able to share their failure stories with you so you can laugh or cry together about what life looks like right now. The mommies that will encourage you instead of judge you.

Your first response might be that you can’t find any moms who fit that description. But, mama, try. Search for them. Find a Facebook group of mommies in your area and make some connections. It might be awkward and scary to meet new people and make friends but it’s so necessary to have this lifeline. There are certain things that our husbands, partners, and non-mommy friends will just never be able to understand or validate. Sometimes we just need to say it isn’t fair and not feel like we’re offending anyone. Sometimes, all we want to hear is that what we’re doing is really hard but that we’re rocking it. Sometimes we need to see that we are not alone in our struggles as a mom. It is essential.
Now, assuming that you’ve located some mommies that you can hang out with, the hardest step is to actually meet up on a regular basis. It might feel selfish but I assure you, it is not. I am bold enough to say that in not doing this, you’re being selfish. Because in not doing this, you are offering your family a version of you that could be more relaxed and validated and driven. It’s seriously worth it mamas. We all have each other’s back. All you have to do is reach out and identify who it is that has yours.

If you found this helpful, please share and comment below. I would also love to know how you manage to squeeze in some quality time with other like-minded mamas.
Every mom needs a mama tribe❤️
Yes!
“The mommies that will encourage you instead of judge you.” And those are my favorite mommies. 🙂
Meeting on a regular basis IS difficult!! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
This is so true! It’s the hardest with your first baby. With my second, I made sure to connect with other moms right off the bat.
I 100% agree. We all need each other as mom’s. I find it difficult to have friends that aren’t moms. The book mommy burnout made me realize how important it is!
Oh cool. Never heard of that book. Thanks for the tip Lindsey and thanks for your comment.
Thank you so much for sharing! Such a great perspective ?
So glad you enjoyed it Samantha.
I completely agree with this! I don’t have a lot of friends who are not moms myself—it’s hard to relate with them anymore and not get judged.
Yes! Just had my first and getting to spend time with other moms who are going through the same thing as me helps sooo much!
Totally agree!
Mama friends are definitely important.
Thank you for giving a step by step guide on this, it may not always be easy to find other mamas, but it is so important. Thankfully our generation has social media which helps a lot!
As a Special Needs mom I know the importance of finding others that truly get it! Love this post!
Oh so glad you found it helpful Jennifer. You rock!
This is so true! I’ve been somewhat isolated with taking care of my son. But it’s time to get out there and join a mommy & kid group.
Makes such a big difference Margaret. Thanks for commenting.
Thanks for sharing, finding time is hard but so worthwhile and important.
Great post! Having other moms who “get it” is crucial to making it out alive ?
I’m so lucky to have a couple great mom friends!
First off, four kids under five. You are crazy, brave and I admire you! Also, It is really so important for moms to be able to communicate and release their emotions with other moms. Thanks for sharing this beautiful post <3
Lol yes our life gets nuts… but oh so fun. One of my survival tools is good mommy friends.
It’s SO important to have a group of mamas who you can connect with! I love my mama friends!
I couldn’t agree with you more!! Mom friends keep me sane (and can tell me when I’m not so sane). They understand the struggles and the mom wins better than anyone else!